World's Best Marketing, Episode 1

I just heard this Mcdonalds radio Ad in my car, that was so fucking terrible, I had to share. I often hear or see ads that absolutely blow my mind. There are these fucking people, sitting in a room, being paid to come up with this shit. BILLIONS of dollars in research and focus testing and demographic branding and a thousand other factors, all being considered in trying to get you to pick these products, and these, are the fucking gems that make the cut.


I can't stress this enough. This was aired on the radio, for Mcdonald's, the largest Fast Food chain in the WORLD (look it up on wikipedia if this is accurate, I don't care right now, I'm in HULK BLOG mode) 


Other ideas where set aside, so that this, brilliant piece of marketing could shine through and reach their target consumer group. PEOPLE SAT IN A FUCKING ROOM, presumably Sleepless nights where had, in the formulating of the audio alchemy that is this Mcdonald's ad:


 It starts with what sounds like a mid 30's man and woman at a really Happenin' party.


Woman- "great Party, but I should probably call it a night."
Man- "You know, we don't have to call it a night, we could always take the party somewhere, like, Mcdonald's"

They proceed to Mcdonald's, she was tired, her feet hurt, she just wants to go home, scratch her records and pass out, but the proposition of going to a Mcdonald's is just too tempting! MACDO! HERE WE COME! where we then arrive at the fine dining establishment, go into the man's inner monologue, apparently concerned about her ordering expensive things AT A FUCKING MCDONALD'S


Man- "Please order a small drink, please order a small drink"
Woman, out loud- "I'll have a Large Diet Pepsi"

FFFFFUUUUUUU!!!!!A large at Mcdonald's is what 84 oz.? THANK JESUS AND BUDDHA'S  RESPECTIVE GHOST DICKS you went with a diet. Not that you're going to get any less breast cancer from it, tubby. 


Man, out loud- "Nothing for me thanks"

Not only is our protagonist obviously not well -to-do, but He's SO BROKE, that The size of the drink she orders will determine whether or not he himself has a drink, and he obviously wants that Ice cold coke so bad. The voice over work here, truly top shelf, giving every emotion of his disappointment in her choice in ordering.


What fucking 30 something guy, has the cajones (not sure if I'll ever use that word again in place of balls) to ask a girl out for after party drinks, to a fucking Mcdonald's, with less than enough money  for two fountain drinks in his pocket? 


It is at this point, that we have reached the lowest point in the narrative, our hopeful hero, must go without the sweet effervescent tickle of coke product, on his, what I can only imagine, is the type of mustache you grow because you live in your parent's basement, and you've decided to grow it, so they will "get of your case" about not being "mature" and people will stop carding him for trying to buy violent video games at Game Crazy.


Our hero stands, parched and defeated. 


Cashier-"OK, that will be one dollar."

Suddenly, the clouds part, the Golden arches part, the roof blows off the fucking building, and a solid, Life giving beam of light shows this man the way to salvation. His prayers, answered by a red nosed, yellow jumpered, clown shoed angel. 


Man-"better make that TWO Large drinks!"

AND BOOM GOES THE MUTHAFUCKING DYNO-MITE! and so does my brain. Goodnight forever, sweet world.